Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
