I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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