Who wears a wallet chain?!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
