Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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