Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
