If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
