she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
