I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
