ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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