did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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