we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
