Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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