im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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