This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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