I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
