So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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