so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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