just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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