she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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