I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
