You made me cry and you don't even care
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
