we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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