i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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