When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
