I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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