I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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