how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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