i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
