Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
