so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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