what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
