I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
