he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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