Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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