WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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