I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
