please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
