I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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