How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
