Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
