Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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