question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Holy sore nipples Batman
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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