the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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