i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
