I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
