Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
