Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
