I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
