the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
