I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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