Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
