This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
